My Intentions
I had written on my Vision Wall for years, that I wanted free massages. I was told that “what I think about, and thank about, I will bring about.” I was very grateful for every paid massage I bought and after a few years the strangest thing happened. One day a lady called who wanted me to teach her Hypnotherapy.
I agreed to share about Hypnotherapy and business, in exchange for massage therapy.
Upon arrival there were 5 steps outside that led to a balcony. The area was overgrown with plants and vines snaking up the outside walls. There appeared to be more vegetation than house. Inside the front door was a long hallway. Down the end I could see stacked boxes and furniture cluttering the space.
I spotted a picture up on the far wall of a naked lady. Before I could think much about it, I was ushered into the room immediately on my left, just after the entrance. “Take off your clothes,” she instructed. “For massage.”
I was relieved for a moment, then concerned! In front of me was a massage table, with ropes either side. I thought I had entered some kind of sex room and didn’t want to be tied up and used for who knows what! I thought for a moment. Probably unlikely. That doesn’t happen, does it? And what about the naked picture in the other room? The portrait was of her younger self.
I didn’t sense any danger and could always say no if things – go south. The massage was very good (and professional). It turns out ropes were for stretching the body. After treatment, we went past the living room over-filled with boxes and more naked portraits, to the kitchen. A turn to the right was a small, square space, with a tiny fold up table in the centre.
I was ushered to sit on the single chair at the table, with all the hospitality that could be expected at a restaurant. In front of me was a plate, covered with another plate. She revealed a big meal of rice, vegetables and chicken. “Wow,” I said. My comment was as much about the gesture, as about the amount of food. “Eat up,” she said. “I’ll try,” I replied.
I ate and we chatted about hypnotherapy, business and her journey. I looked forward to it each week. We developed a friendship. She would look after my back and shoulder strains from a previous injury and I would encourage her in business. Unusual and strange circumstances like this suit my personality. It’s interesting to me what might happen next, like twists and turns in a movie.
The friendship ended suddenly and in a sad way. A project we worked on fizzled out and she contracted a rare illness that resulted in her being bed ridden. She didn’t want me to visit again, probably out of pride, possibly embarrassed to be seen in a weakened state. I called several times to check-in.
The unfortunate ending aside, what occurred was exactly what I’d intended. Hypnotherapy, business, food and massage therapy were 4 things I ‘thought about’ and ‘thanked about’ regularly. Not long after I met my fiancé. She is a massage therapist and English teacher, who is intelligent, funny, cooks delicious food, brilliantly edits my books and lights up my world.
I believe the people in our lives, in this present moment are aligned with who we are and what we think about most often. For a long while I didn’t know where new friends would come from or believe that I would ever find a wonderful partner. It’s okay by me if something naturally doesn’t work but to strike out because of nervousness or uncertainty, is disheartening.
I got really honest about what I wanted. With a small group of friends, I voiced and wrote down all the traits desirable to me in a partner. Given the choice with no limitations, “What do I most want in a relationship?”
When she turned up, I was ready for the opportunity because I knew who and what I wanted. Having certainty with what I intended gave me peace. I know I’ve done the work that allows more blessings to arrive, without the guilt.
Intention setting has a compounding effect. The more you do it the better it works. You start to see opportunities, not previously noticed. People become more helpful. Job offers fall in your lap. Certain people catch your eye and are drawn to you. By focusing on what you want, you subconsciously let go of things that aren’t in alignment with your intention.
Lynda’s Tricks
Lynda is a friend I have learnt a great deal from. I interviewed her about the journey she took to become a transformation coach. Growing up, an alcoholic mother made life very difficult. She described a time when there was so much restriction, although Lynda desired to feel joyful every day. She worked for a long time in her husband’s business and raised children.
Life during this time was okay but not by her design. Work was fine and family duties fulfilled but these were roles she slipped into by default. Something felt missing in her soul. When she decided to pursue her dreams, it wasn’t received well at first. Her husband would have to find a new employee and pay them a wage. Her kids would have to take on more responsibility too.
Lynda: “I started by being grateful for all the abundance in my life presently. With this attitude of gratitude, I appreciated what was already there and started attracting more blessings. I am appreciative for all that I have and all that I will experience. There is enough good to go around for everyone.”
Lynda: “There is joy, freedom and abundance in my past, present and future.”
It was interesting to me how she is grateful for future blessings. She’s committed to a vision, so it appears more often. She is really making the most of the power of intention here. Being thankful for things you haven’t yet experienced, is manifestation work at its finest.
Lynda aligns her thoughts with what she wants. She practices dozens of times every day. An intention practiced over and over will create reality. Her car and clothes feel joyful. She walks, talks and dresses in a way that makes her feel this way. I could hear the sincerity with which she spoke. This is how Lynda lives.
The mind cannot help but be focused on blessings when you think about it so much. In our interview I wanted to go deeper. What happens when life just sucks?
Me: “Okay, some people are more challenging than others. What about when you encounter conflict and family arguments?”
Lynda: “A little trick I use, is to say to myself, this person is having an interesting experience. I wonder what is affecting their state of mind. I get curious about what beliefs are causing their outburst. If someone is angry, I assume at some level they are needing love.”
Me: “Why does that work for you?”
Lynda: “Because curiosity acts as an intervention away from reactive anger. It leads me to be more understanding about their circumstances. When people feel understood it dissolves a lot of hurt feelings. Two or more angry people doesn’t fit in with a joyful intention, so this tactic gets me back there quicker. I’m not perfect by any means but curiosity works most times to calm all involved.”
Me: “What about when you wake up feeling uninspired? Are there times you don’t care or your mood is flat?”
Lynda chuckled to herself in a practiced way and said: “That used to happen a lot. There was a fog of mediocrity. I was going through the motions most days. What I do now if I can’t cause uplifting feelings in myself, is to do it for others. Sure, I can feel flat sometimes, so I’ll give abundance to those around me.”
Me: “What do you mean by giving abundance to others?”
Lynda: “That’s easy. I buy the person’s beverage in front of me at a coffee shop. I stop to help people who look like they need it. I pass along things that I love to family, friends and strangers. I compliment people and talk to them about gratitude. I teach abundance as a topic in my coaching courses.”
Lynda: “The number of times I’ve seen a roomful of people shift their negative attitude, with a few minutes of joyful energy, is amazing.”
I observed in Lynda that she actively manages her mind. When challenge happens, she intervenes with a mindful thought process. Deciding that family is ‘interesting’ and not horrible is a choice she makes. A ‘joyful intention’ around uptight strangers, is a deliberate manifestation tool.
Lynda intends joy, abundance and freedom whether it seems likely to occur or not. It’s a creation process. This is not reacting to reality however, this is causing reality. I could smile when interacting with a cashier. I could compliment more. I could think about joy, freedom and abundance. Lynda does it.
A note on Lynda’s trick of spreading joy. She is not trying to uplift others at the expense of her own needs. For decades she did that and it was unknown how to live an abundant life. It wasn’t even in her realm of possibility. She wants to show people that it is possible to feel really good most of the time. We are here for one-another. There is enough good to share around. This re-enforces the empowering beliefs in herself.
Her intention is very achievable because it is integrated into lifestyle. There are several opportunities each day to feel joyful, abundant and free. She can give it to herself and to others. Why not try one or more of the following yourself, over the next week?
- A gratitude ritual to focus on blessings
- Aligning words, actions and lifestyle
- A joyful intention around challenging people
- Being the change you want to see in the world
- Choose an intention that is healing
When reading these stories about intention it is reasonable to think that it doesn’t work or some people are lucky. In order to make significant change, a strong intention always lies behind one’s success. I have met people who got themselves out of the poverty cycle, which took years, or like Laura who we’ll read about next, broke an anxiety pattern in 1 hour.
Causation
The phrase “fake it until you make it” gets used a lot in relation to goal setting. Sometimes this is used to say that something is not real. Trying out a new thought pattern is different and uses mental energy. This is not fake at all. This is an action of self-improvement. We embody a new way of being until it becomes integrated.
At first trying something new doesn’t feel true. If I am on one side of the river but want to be over the other side, I take the bridge to get across. While you are intention setting see yourself as crossing over from the old to the new. Keep focused on where you are headed.
“Thinking better thoughts, causes better results.”
In order to cross the river we need a bridge. That bridge might be strong or could be a bit rickety, like in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. In any case best to put one foot in front of the other. I will cross this gap in my mind. There will be many rivers and bridges in our lifetime. Don’t let anyone tell you that transformation is fake.
Anxiety says there is no way. Empowerment says, I am already working on a way and focused on the end result. If you are reading this you are a human being and as such, you have encountered many challenges and you are still here. You have strength to change the content of your mind and thus the conditions of your life for the better.
Laura’s Picnic
Laura found herself living life on high alert. She was a personal trainer and mother to a 2-year-old girl. Nothing terribly bad had happened but anxiety was steadily increasing. “I’m anxious while running, shopping, seeing friends and going out to dinner. All these normal activities used to be fine but now I dread them. If plans change the panic gets even worse.”
I could relate to anxiety about plan changes. I used to pre-think my social interactions in a way that was like treading water. I had to keep my head up to survive. Things must happen how I want them to. The event must be at the original time and place. One small difference to the schedule and I was drowning.
When setting an intention, make it flexible and attainable. For example, in my relationship, a useful intention is to listen well. This is achievable. A rigid goal would be something like, I intend for the relationship to be perfect, all the time.
A flexible intention for what you want, is more desirable than rigid perfection. Flexibility allows life to unfold and can include enjoyment. Focus on what you want, stated in the affirmative. You can create an intention that allows plenty of opportunity to come true.
Laura had very high anxiety, self-rated at 9/10 intensity. We chatted about how she could use intention to see the dreaded event (visiting friends) going well. Laura was accustomed to anxiousness and using rigid rules, to control everything. Usually nothing bad happens, but it sure does feel like it will.
Me: “The location, timing and people don’t need to be perfect. We know that trying to control every detail leads to overwhelm. Enjoyment need not be micro-managed out of what can be a wonderful day for you and family. Let’s add a little intention for a good time.”
Me: “Can you describe the ideal picnic with your friends? What are all the best things that can happen? The purpose is to know exactly what you want. This will help your subconscious mind think and feel optimistic when the time comes. Good things can happen. It activates enthusiasm in the body and mind. It can allow hope in the heart.”
Laura: “I can imagine turning up, greeting friends with warm hugs, smiling, seeing others return that smile. I will feel the pleasant weather on my skin. I will help others have a good time too, with fun and laughter. I can see my daughter running around and I’m relaxing.”
Me: “That’s right. The anxiety was a future imagination. A series of thoughts about things not happening. You have now created this new collection of thoughts, feelings and images in your mind. Is that visualisation right for you?”
Laura: “Yes. It feels right, I usually like seeing friends as long as the worry is not there. Also, I am allowing myself the freedom to leave at any time I choose.”
Me: “Is there anything you would add or take away from this picture.”
Laura: “It’s good. I am just excited to turn up tomorrow.”
Me: “Is the intention achievable and feels good for your mind and body?”
Laura: “Yes.”
The freedom to leave at any time felt like safety. Her mind and body softened in front of me. When we embody freedom of choice, it is healing. You can go where you want for 10 minutes, 5 hours, however long. Release the idea of trying to please everybody else. Live life on your terms.
With no self-imposed rules bogging her down, natural motivation to socialise was returning. Events do not have to happen a certain way and several good things can take place.
We also added a breathing technique that reduces emotional energy. I recommended she use it sometime before socialising. If the picnic is at 10:00am, then around 8:00am meditate for 10-20 minutes. Visualise the outcome you want, feel the sunshine and the hugs. Being generally relaxed before an event means lower potential for anxiety, later in the day.
If we are very used to imagining the worst happening, then it’s worth giving our mind another picture. A better, brighter and more beautiful picture to work with.
Can my thoughts really change how I feel? They do every single day. I’m going to have a crap day at the park, get scared and want to leave immediately when arriving. Or I am going to have a lovely day at the park. I’m looking forward to friends, food and my daughter having a fun time. I can leave whenever I want.
Regardless of what does happen, there are no longer rigid rules fuelling anxiety. She will hug her friends. There are multiple opportunities to have fun with her daughter, friends and other people at the park. There is a high probability of success because the outcomes are simple, heart-felt and easy to achieve.
Like Lynda (from our last story), if you intend to make someone else’s day, that gives us a greater feeling too. It’s not a rule to follow. It is opportunity you can open up to. Like a flower happy to receive the sunrise.
Some keys for setting an intention:
- Include safety
- Relaxed breathing before the event
- Picturing the desired outcome
- Spreading enjoyment to others
- See intention setting as an opportunity
We had the beginnings of a plan for anxiety relief or so I thought. Results were even better than expected. Laura got back to me a few days later and didn’t need a second appointment. She felt excited and light, for the first time in years. I planned to share more tools but it was not needed. The visualisation was readily accepted by body and mind, and she felt optimistic.
I received this feedback from Laura:
“I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart… I took your advice and relinquished control to an extent. My daughter asked to go for a bike ride today… normally, with my anxiety I would have had to plan that. Today I practiced the breathing techniques you taught me, packed the car and went. I didn’t panic once.
On the way back to the car was a true test. She asked to go to the park. I never EVER take her on Saturdays. Way too many kids and people, which is sure to send me into a meltdown… Well today, I did it!! We put the bike away and went to play with 20 or so other people there. Not one smidgen of anxiety!! So thank you, thank you, thank you. You helped make me make my daughter’s day!