Healing Grief


GRIEF is something we all go through in our lives. It may feel like there is nothing that eases grief, that only time can heal. I don’t believe this is entirely true. We can look at things from a broader perspective, noticing the blessings and love that is present.

In 2008 I thought I had a son, but after 10 months he turned out not to be mine. I stayed on in the father role for another 3 years and then the mother and him moved 1000km away. For a while I held grief in my heart, until I came across the work I do today. The exact things I missed about him are being fulfilled by others.

When I examined grief closely, there were 11 things (traits) I missed out him, including; his smile, affection, playing, and his innocence. I looked for all for these traits in the people that were now in my life and found they were all there. A new friend had moved in with me who had lots of his traits, I was spending more time with family and my clients filled in the rest.

I felt so grateful, that perhaps some divine consciousness is ensuring that we are never truly alone. Nothing lasts forever, but the love is conserved in those close to us.

When you lose someone, look for all the blessings that have come into your life since then. This is a way to honour the love that is still in your life.

Grief is only focusing on the loss. Love includes being grateful for the people, animals and blessings that are still here. Although we do miss people, we more accurately miss what they provide us with; their touch, their support, their conversation, their smile, their hugs.

“If you miss something, you actually have it, but in a form not yet recognised”.

Something I noticed with my former son was there were things I did not miss: Cleaning up his mess, the crying, draining energy, constant want for attention, spending money, less time for a relationship and more. The whole picture included both relief and grief. Some things were worse and some were better.

In another example, if you had an ill mother who passed away; is there now a relief that they aren’t in pain? A relief not having to visit the hospital? A relief from some of their frustrating habits? A relief of stubbornness? Did an inheritance provide financial relief? Is there something you are free to do now?

What about a separation or divorce: Is there a relief from arguments? A relief from constant stress? Relief from painful sex? Relief from not being restricted? A relief to raise your kids the way you want to? Relief from their annoying habits?

It is a new and controversial way to process grief but it is based on the truth. We notice the blessings that are present and ‘the relief’ in the grief. Honour the people who are gone and those who are still here equally, with love.

I have seen this process of healing grief be completed in as little as 1-2 hours. This was the case with my own experience too. The way I perceive loss, has transformed. Loss reminds me to look for ever-present love, conserved through those close to us.

The work I do with the Demartini Method can assist people in healing grief. There is always love, if willing to look for it.


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