Mastering emotions and having a greater sense of well-being is something we are all looking for. In this article I will share effective ways to approach difficult emotions. We will closely look at; anger, grief and worry.
ANGER can exist for one of 3 reasons, you get angry at someone else, you can get angry at the world, or angry at yourself, for making some kind of mistake.
We get angry when we have unrealistic expectations of people or the world. Some of the things I used to get angry about included; people lying to me, opinions I don’t like, the actions of my partner, the way people drive their car and more!
Wanting people to change almost never works and causes resentment on both sides. Instead, take the enlightened approach, to expect that people will be themselves. It is wise to expect people to be who they are, rather than how you want them to be.
Case study: When driving my car now, I expect the other drivers will; cut me off, check their phones and not take off when the traffic light goes green. This is realistic. If I go out into the world expecting people are the same as me, I’m delusional.
We can still encourage high standards in others, but you don’t want their behaviour to run your emotions. When I expect people to live by their standards, not mine, there are no surprises. When I expect others to just be themselves, I am being realistic.
“Anger is feedback from my body telling me to STOP having unrealistic expectations of people and myself.”
Who’s behaviour do you let get the better of you? To whom can you be more compassionate and accepting? Yourself?
GRIEF is something we all go through in our lives. Some people say there are no shortcuts out of grief, that only time can heal it. I would like to gently challenge this belief. Circumstances can be viewed from a broader perspective, taking into account the Law of Conservation – Love is always conserved.
It is said proverbially that when God shuts a door, he also opens a window. This is true in physics and human psychology. Although we feel the loss of someone, the love and the essence of the person is preserved. If we look closely, we will see that other people take on the roles of the people we lost.
In 2008 I had a son, however after 10 months a DNA test revealed he was not mine. I stayed on in the father role for 3 years and then the mother and him moved 1000km away. For a long while I held grief in my heart, I’d lost the son that I loved with all my heart.
In 2004 I came across the life changing work of Dr. John Demartini and his Demartini Method process. It revealed that every loss, contains equal gains, even if it is not recognised. Grief is not recognising the love present in our lives.
When I examined my grief closely, there were 11 things (traits) I missed about my former son, including; his smile, affection, playing, putting him to sleep, cheekiness and his innocence.
I looked for all for these traits in the people that were now in my life and found they were all there. A new friend had moved in with me who had lots of his traits, I was spending more time with family, the neighbour’s cat and my work contacts filled in the rest.
When you lose someone, look for all the new people and blessings that are in your life now. Make a list as big as you can of your blessings. This is a way to honour the love, that is still in your life.
Grief is focusing only on the loss. Love includes being grateful for those who have passed and deeply acknowledging the new and existing blessings. Although we do miss people, we more accurately miss what they provide us with; their touch, their support, their conversation, their smile, their hugs. See where you still have this.
WORRY could be described as, thinking about the future and imagining something going badly. I personally approach worry by seeing if there is a MESSAGEfor me in the worry. By that I mean, I want to check if there is a genuine thing I need to worry about or not.
I approach all thoughts and emotions as feedback from my body, letting me know there is something to do or let go of… As an example, if you are worried about your current financial state, is worry guiding you to fix this? If you are worried about your kids, is there something that needs to be done for them?
Is worry an open invitation to resolve a problem or improve yourself?
I consulted with a lady 4 years ago who was worried about her daughter going overseas to Cambodia. There was some risk in the trip, but not too different from any other country. When we started to break it down, she realised she would worry for about 1 hour every day.
I asked her, “why isn’t the worry for 2 hours per day or just 10 minutes per day, could she purposefully do worry more or less”? (This gives her power). We also found the intention of her worrying about others, was a way of showing she cared for her family.
I asked, “could you show you care for your daughter even more by showing her love and encouragement? Would enjoying the time you have together before she leaves and being really present with her, show you care for her more?” (This satisfies her core intention behind the worry).
Is your mind ticking over with new ways to approach emotions now? Have you considered what the meaning is behind your emotions? What do you need to move forward in peace?
I sincerely hope you have found great value from this Mastering Emotions article. Thanks for reading.
Jeremy Walker works as a Hypnotherapist and Demartini Method Facilitator in Brisbane QLD. He enjoys nothing better than seeing someone gain self-mastery in their life. Jeremy focuses on helping people with; quitting smoking, weight loss, mastering emotions, sleep problems and psychosomatic health.
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