Your values represent what is most important to you. These are the things you do automatically, without the need for willpower. How you spend your time, money and energy, shows what your highest values are. What you talk about the most and what inspires you, also reveals your values.
Note: Values are not virtues such as; honesty, courage and compassion. Values are the things your life demonstrates to be true.
There are things I am inspired to do automatically and there are other things that you could not pay me to do. Every day I focus on personal growth, my relationship, being in nature and health.
It’s what I talk about, think about and spend my time on. The things you do the most, without needing to use willpower, are likely your highest values.
Voids Reveal Values
Our values are driven by what we are most missing, or what we were missing earlier in life. Our deepest voids – lead to our highest values – which reveals our life path.
- A champion athlete may have a fear of failure, that pushes them to be the best at their game or sport.
- A teacher who values education may have has seen the void a lack of knowledge can have in a person’s life.
- A person who values protecting children, may have grown up in an difficult household or doesn’t feel safe themselves.
- The social worker who helps the disadvantaged, will have missed advantages in their youth.
Some values stay with us for life and others change form over time. Everyone has a desire deep inside to reach their full potential and make a difference in the world. The challenges you have faced, drive you to be your best.
As a first step to honouring your path, follow the things you are most interested in or love to do. It could be family, career, health, finances, business, friendships, animals, travel, personal growth or just about anything. What do you do every day that no one has to pay you to?
Values In Family
Members in a relationship or family, will have things that are important to them. Each person will usually show leadership in a different area; career, health, finances, raising children, cooking, social activities and spirituality. No one in the family will have your exact set of values.
All members of the group help to create a balanced family dynamic. People aren’t in your life to be a perfect match. They are there to fill the gaps in the areas you are less interested.
How many of us have a brother, sister or partner who seems to be our total opposite? Over time we can learn to appreciate them, for taking care of the things, that we don’t really want to do.
- My own brother has a high focus on soccer and sport and less interest in personal development.
- In a previous relationship my partner took the lead with social and spirituality (which I lacked) and I took the lead with business and finance (which she lacked).
Dealing With Criticism
A values conflict occurs when we submit to someone else’s values, as opposed to honouring our own true values. Often the fear of following your dream, is the fear of displeasing an authority figure in your life.
That could be; a parent, your wife, husband, boss, or even a spiritual leader. You are allowed to follow any path you choose, and as you do, you give permission for others to do the same.
Whatever values you repress, someone in your life will express to a high degree. A friend of mine is vegan, repressing the value of consuming animal products. One of his other friends calls him and brags about a big steak he had just eaten. People often come into your life to challenge you on your highest values.
If you have a high value on spending money on luxury items – beyond your financial limit, you may attract a frugal partner with a value on saving (and vice versa if you’re in the reverse position).
Using Challenge For Growth
People in your life may be pointing out something important. You could appreciate criticism, by deciding it is an opportunity to grow. By doing this, criticism doesn’t seem to happen as much… I invite you to to ask these 2 questions, if you get criticised. Is the criticism true? Is this a value/area that I need to develop?
Set goals that are a match for who you really are, then you don’t have to use willpower to achieve them. Expect people to live in their highest values and for you to live in your highest values. What is important to you, probably isn’t as important to others. Love is expecting people to be who they are and not wanting to change them.
Jeremy Walker’s background is in Hypnotherapy. He created the WARP (Walker Addiction Removal Process) and is located in Brisbane QLD. Confidential appointments are available for quitting smoking, weight loss and anxiety related issues. Jeremy enjoys nothing more than seeing others make a positive shift!