Relationship Conflicts



Relationship Conflicts & Balancing Misperception:

This article shows you how you can be more fulfilled in relationships, why your partner challenges you and how you can resolve conflicts. Any time we don’t see someone serving us, we carry resentments. It is tempting to want people to be different, however they don’t change simply because we want them to. It is valuable to look for the ways your current relationships are serving your life.

The following scenario demonstrates that we seek balance, not unrealistic thinking. If I said to you, “I have the most amazing life, I am always positive, never negative, everything is perfect, I am the best at what I do, I am so good looking, probably the best looking person in the room, I am so successful, I am too good for this place”. I don’t need any praising do I?

We will naturally want to bring this person down. This is why sports stars are so humble when the camera is rolling, if they talked about how great they are, you would be less likely to support them.

Now consider the next scenario, someone you know says, “I have had the most terrible day, I’m useless, everything always goes wrong, I’m hopeless, I can’t see any positives, I’ll never be successful at anything, I’m ugly, I feel depressed, I have no skills, everyone hates me.” We feel like praising this person. 

Nothing is ever that good or that bad, we are just sometimes blind to the other side. All humans have a natural tendency towards equilibrium – the truth.

Praise and Criticism

Every person connects to fantasy thinking to some degree (life is supposed to have more pleasure than pain). When being judged, you are being shown the drawbacks to your fantasy.

Most people crave for people to praise them, but don’t want the criticism. Had you ever considered before that criticism and challenge is something that drives you to grow? That it is necessary? Did you know that leaders seek criticism more than they seek praise?

Criticism brings with it, great opportunity. When someone is criticising, judging or condemning me, I see it as a call to become more empowered. I ask myself (often straight away), where was that person correct? What can I improve now? By doing this I become a creator.

This does not mean we accept people treating us badly. It means we approach conflict for what it is, a chance to grow. Interestingly, when we approach a conflict in this way, people don’t feel the need to do it as much!

Accepting Ourselves

I used to fear that people would perceive me as weak. Not being solidly built, I resisted any possibility of showing weakness. One night I fully accepted the weak and strong parts of my being. And it’s true, there are times when I am weak and strong. By not fearing ‘being seen as weak,’ I am free. You could come up to me on the street and say, “Jeremy you are so weak” and I will say, “thank you, yes there are times when I am weak and strong.”

Attending a family gathering, would bring up fear about certain topics being brought up. At the time, family would ask me about whether I have a new partner yet? The answer “No.” And then I would feel uncomfortable. When I moved on and got empowered in that area, magically it stops getting brought up.

Are the people in my life pointing out the areas I need to empower? Yes. Do I always like it? No, however I have come to appreciate the balance they are providing me.

When I look at the part of myself I am resisting and accept it, it loses it’s hold on me and I am free to just be me.

“The thing you are resisting in your life, is the source of your greatest future freedom and joy”.

Becoming Untouchable

There is a big benefit to improving yourself, that is, you become untouchable in any area of your life you empower. Imagine someone trying to criticise Warren Buffet about money management. It wouldn’t even hit his radar. He is already empowered in that area, so judgement will have little effect. On the other hand, he has at times been criticised for not using his money for a worthy cause. So what he did he do, he empowered his philanthropic nature and has given 10’s billions of dollars to charity.

“All criticism, can be seen as an invitation to become more empowered in the main areas of life. That is self-mastery.”

There is a methodology to dissolve emotional charges and move on to more fulfilling relationships. This may be with your current partner, ex-partner, boss, or family member. Who is occupying the most time and space in your mind? Do you keep attracting the same partner, but with a different face? Are you running your mind, or is someone else running your mind?

The things that push your buttons offer you a chance to evolve. They also offer you a chance to let go of baggage. Being controlled by outside circumstances is optional. The next time someone gets on your nerves, take an hour to answer these three questions.

  1. Where have I done the same thing/similar thing they did?
  2. How does what they do benefit me? (Consider is it in; health, family, financially, career, relationships, emotionally, spiritually, your highest values)?
  3. Where has this person done the exact opposite, to the thing that gets on my nerves?

Start with this process and come up with 40-50 examples for each question. This helps you; own the reflection, see how it benefits you and dissolves the label/judgement of the person you are charged on. Be grateful for the life you have now, instead of living in a fantasy about how you want it to be. When you see both sides of the picture you have a balanced, whole (true) perspective.

Jeremy Walker works as a Hypnotherapist and Demartini Method Facilitator in Brisbane QLD. He enjoys nothing better than seeing someone gain self-mastery in their life. Jeremy focuses on helping people with; quitting smoking, weight loss, sleep problems and relationship conflicts.